Introduction - The longing for friendship

Let me tell a story that Pepper Rogers told on himself decades ago. He was the football coach for UCLA from 1971-1973. During his first year, before the spectacular turnaround in that team, he got all kinds of flak. He felt discouraged and alienated. Even his home life was becoming upset. He recalls, “My dog was my only friend. I told my wife that a man needs at least two friends and she bought me another dog.” Of course, he was joking. But have you ever felt like that? I think most of us have experienced the reality of God’s statement, "It is not good for man to be alone." You value your friends. And yet there are times when Christians can feel so alone. God has built into our very nature the need for friendship. And when we don’t have friends there is a yearning there.

In a future sermon I may (or may not) look at the kinds of things needed to develop closer friendship with other believers. But today I want to focus on a far more fundamental issue: friendship with God. That may seem like a strange concept to you. It may even sound irreverent to think that you can be friends with the Almighty. Yet the Scripture speaks of friendship with God in several places. And it is needed. There are times when our best friends leave and we are left with an ache inside. And during those times when we feel like Pepper Rodgers, there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Now if we have never developed a friendship with God, we won't have that safety net. And as I mentioned, for some people, even the thought of a close friendship with God seems weird. But Abraham is explicitly called "the friend of God" in James 2:23. And I want to dig into verse 1 of Psalm 15 to show that it is describing David's close friendship with God and that others too can have that kind of a close friendship.

How close can we be to God? (v. 1)

The question David asks in verse 1 is a question indicating that he wants to have more than just a casual relationship with God. He asks in verse 1, "LORD, who may abide in your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill?" And I’m going to spend a third of the sermon just on this verse. The word “abide” is the word for a sojourner and refers to a long or even a permanent stay in a place that is not your own home. The next verb “dwell” speaks of settling down in. The dictionary says, this word “reinforces and lays further stress on the idea of a longer or permanent stay rather than an overnight hop.” David’s choice of words would have been very striking to Israelites because not even the priests were able to live in the physical tabernacle. They were just servants there and when they were finished with their duties they went to their homes. And so David is asking a rather bold question. He was not satisfied with the companionship that a visit to the tabernacle implied. By going to the tabernacle (and later to the temple), all God’s people had the privilege of fellowship and communion with their King - the God of Israel. That much was common knowledge. All God’s people were companions with God in that sense. But David’s question goes far beyond a mere visit to the palace of God. He is asking who may abide there; who may actually live there? He is asking in effect, “Who do you invite as your house guests?”

Turn with me to Psalm 27, and I will read verses 4-5 to see how he phrases it there. Psalm 27:4-5. He uses the same word picture. He says,

One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, [Now David was not in the physical tabernacle every day, but he is using the audacious language of a person being invited as a house guest into the tabernacle with God as a word picture of his daily friendship with God and that is why he goes on to say] to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in His temple. [Well, the physical temple hadn't even been built yet, so he is either calling the tabernacle a temple of God or he is referring to the heavenly temple. Either way, he goes on.] For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavillion: in the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock.

There are very few people who had such familiarity with God that God called them His friends. Abraham was four times called the friend of God. David was called a man after God’s own heart.

Moses was similar. Ex. 33:11 says, “And the LORD spoke to Moses face to face, like a man would speak to his friend.” They had learned how to develop the closest of friendships with God. If you want to be friends with God, this Psalm (Psalm 15) tells you how. There are no shortcuts here. There are some who don’t like the trouble of learning holiness, but if we do not have anything in common with God, there is nothing for the friendship to be about. I was reading in C.S. Lewis on friendship and he had something that described this so well. He said,

Friendships arise out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.” ... In this kind of love..., Do you love me? means Do you see the same truth? - or at least, Do you care about the same truth?” The man who agrees with us that some question, little regarded by others, is of great importance can be our Friend. He need not agree with us about the answer.... That is why those pathetic people who simply “want friends” can never make any. The very condition of having Friends is that we should want something else besides Friends. Where the truthful answer to the question "Do you see the same truth?" would be “I see nothing and I don’t care about the truth; I only want a Friend,” no Friendship can arise - though Affection of course may. There would be nothing for the Friendship to be about; and Friendship must be about something, even if it is only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow travellers. (The Four Loves, chap. 4, para. 16,18,19-21.)

Now, I may have worded it somewhat differently from C. S. Lewis, but he at least makes the point that friends have something in common that they are passionate about. So take seriously the things listed in verses 2-5. These are the things that God says make Him think of you as a friend - as someone that sticks closer than a brother. These are things that burden God's heart.

The things that knit David's heart to God's (vv. 2-5)

When we have the same passions that God has, there is the possibility for the knitting of our hearts together with God’s. On the other hand, if we have no interest in the issues of holiness here, then we have no common ground for developing this deepest of friendships. Can you see how this puts the discussion of holiness in an entirely new framework? And obviously, there are degrees of friendship. We will get to that later. But God is passionate about holiness.

This is exactly what Christ was saying in John 15 when He said, - “You are my friends if you do whatever I command you.” He’s not talking about earning salvation. They were already saved. He is talking about developing friendship. Christ had a passion for holiness, and He was saying, “If you want to be closest friends with Me, then you need to love some of the things that I love and hate the same things that I hate.” This is what binds men to God and makes them men and women after God’s own heart. If we are unable to weep over our society, we will have a harder time identifying with Jesus when He wept over Jerusalem. It’s going to be one of those things that will be different between us and keeping us from being kindred spirits. When we don’t get angry over abortion, then we will have a harder time identifying with God when He got very angry over the the child sacrifices happening in the religion of Baal worship.

And that is why God’s answer to David’s question of who could abide in His tabernacle; who could dwell in God’s holy hill; who could be in closest and most abiding fellowship with God was a listing of things that God has either a desire for or a hatred of. You can’t be friends with God if you don’t have at least some common interests with God or some common revulsions.

Just as we must nurture our human friendships, and find things that we have in common with our friends, and avoid things that will destroy the friendship, so too, we must nurture our friendship with God. Proverbs 18:24 says that a friend must show himself to be friendly. James says, "draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." He is ready to be friends, but a friend must show himself friendly.

I might be showing in a later sermon that all of us have limited time, energy, and other constraints that make it impossible to be closest friends with everyone. We ought not to feel guilty if we are not best friends with everyone. Even Christ the perfect Man had degrees of friendship and was not as close to all of His friends as He was to some friends. So there are degrees of friendship. John was His bosom friend. Peter, James and John were the only kindred spirits of the twelve. But with God that is not true because, unlike a man with limited capacities for friendship. God has an unlimited capacity. Every believer can grow into being the most intimate of friends with God. If we are not close to Him, it is always something in us that can be changed. So let’s look at some of these friendship bonds that God has with His closest friends - some of the things that we need to work on. This is not going to be a profound sermon. Sorry. This is just going to be a simple sermon encouraging you to be friends with God. That’s the only point I want to get through to you.

Integrity - totally committed to God (v. 2a)

The first phrase says, "He who walks uprightly," or as the NASB says, "He who walks with integrity." It describes a person of backbone and principle; one who will not bend because of what others think or because of peer pressure. You stand by your friend even when what he does may be unpopular. In the case of David, he was totally committed to God and would not compromise for political expediency. He was not always comfortable with what God did, but he was loyal. When I think of the Hebrew word here for "integrity," I think of Eric Liddell in the movie Chariots of Fire. It took a great deal of backbone to do what was right when his whole country was pressuring him at the Olympics to break the Sabbath just this once. They wanted him to run on the Sabbath just for the sake of the country. Let’s ask God to give us backbone - to make us upright, men and women of principle and integrity. God loves that.

Committed to righteous action (v. 2b)

He goes on to say that God likes to be friends with people who are men and women of action. Verse 2 says, and works righteousness. It's not just believing in righteousness, but working at it. Titus 2:14 sums up the Christian life this way, “Who gave Himself for us [notice how God is developing the friendship on His part - “Who gave Himself for us], that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works.” You do things for friends, and God is endeared to those who are like Him and are zealous for good works. If you see the pursuit of holiness and the desire to make a difference in the world in light of friendship, it gives a whole new twist to the idea of holiness. We are making the sacrifices of holiness for God - because we are friends with God. Can you see that?

Inward honesty and love for the truth (v. 2c)

David goes on to say, "And speaks the truth in his heart." He’s not talking just about your lips and actions, but also what is going on inside your heart. It's talking about being honest with yourself, and not rationalizing for your own comfort. When was the last time that you rationalized with yourself? That was the time when you were putting little tiny wedges between you and your Heavenly Friend. An old Proverb says, “The easiest person to deceive is yourself.” And that is so true. We can convince ourselves that we are not gossips; we’re just passing along a prayer request, or we are just concerned. We can deceive ourselves into thinking we are too sick to go to church, even though we would have gone to work if we had the same condition. You may denounce pornography, but do you look at legitimate social media, but inwardly hope that something salacious might accidentally come up. God does not like hearts that deceive themselves. I have witnessed some of the most critical people accusing others of being critical; some of the most insensitive people complain because someone else was insensitive with them. There is something there that is not consistent with this phrase, "Who speaks the truth in his heart."

The person that God is kindred spirits with is the person who examines himself; who is open and transparent with others. Decades ago we used to go to Promise Keepers, and we men were encouraged to be accountable and open to others. Many times that is hard for men to do. In a 1995 Promise Keepers event, Dr. John Maxwell said that the man he was accountable to, would from time to time ask him the following questions that were tailored to his needs:

1. The first question was, “Are you spending time alone with God?" When busyness crowds out time with God, it shows where your priorities are.
2. The next question was, "Is your thought life pure?" When God is your friend, He happens to know your thoughts, and He values it when you regularly seek to purge your thoughts of evil and please Him with your thoughts. To care less and not be troubled at all about wicked thoughts does not endear your heart to God.
3. Since he was a leader, the next question was, "Are you misusing your power?" This is a good question not only for us church leaders, but also a good question for husbands and parents. Are we misusing our power?
4. The next question was, "Are you walking in total obedience to God?" Cutting corners on obedience is cutting corners on our friendship with God.
5. The last question was, "Have you lied about any of the previous questions?" And Dr. Maxwell confessed that he had found himself tempted to hedge on the truth at times. And he didn't like that about himself. It was one of the things he was putting off because He wanted to be close to God.

God is friends with the person who is fully open and transparent and speaks the truth in his heart. Now, I have already mentioned that there are degrees of friendship, and not all of us are going to be perfect on these issues. But we are talking about direction, not perfection. We are talking about what our deep desires should be.

He doesn't backbite others (v. 3a)

The next phrase says, "He who does not backbite with his tongue." When you say hurtful things about one of God’s friends, it makes God feel bad - it keeps us at an emotional distance from God. And actually, all of the phrases in verse 3 are related:

He who does not backbite with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor does he take up a reproach against his friend.

How we treat God's friends impacts our own friendship with God. And keep in mind that none of this is dealing with how to get saved. Several commentators point out that the rituals of sacrifice and acceptance of sinners are already assumed when you come to the temple grounds. This is talking about saved people who want to enter into closer relationship with God and stay close to God.

And let me define backbiting. Backbiting is more than slander. Slander is saying false things about another person. Backbiting could be talking about true things or false things, but it is talking about others hurtfully behind their backs. One of the meanings of the Hebrew word (in fact, it is the main meaning) is to walk around as a spy. In other words, just as a spy is pretending to be a friendly person in another country, yet is actually walking around to find weaknesses that can be taken advantage of and is sharing that information others, a backbiter is acting friendly to our face but undermining you when you aren't around. He is like a spy. It is saying things about others that we wouldn't want them to know that we have said. Now, if you are being convicted by God on any of these phrases, then cast your sin at the feet of Jesus and tell Him, "Lord, this is what I want in my life. I'm not there yet, but I want to be. I want to love the things that You love and hate the things that You hate." That by itself is moving you in the direction of closer friendship.

He doesn't do anything that would harm his neighbor (v. 3b)

The next phrase - "Nor does evil to his neighbor" goes one step further. Not only does he not speak evil about his neighbor, but he does no evil to his neighbor. In other words, his actions are intended for the good of the neighbor. If God works all things together for our good, we too should be seeking the welfare of each other in the body. A person who is passionate about this is a person who connects with God's heart.

He doesn't tear down his friends (v. 3c)

The last phrase of verse 3 goes one step further: "nor does he take up a reproach against his friend." Commentators point out that this means that God's friends don't tolerate others speaking evil about fellow-believers. They immediately put a stop to it. They don't listen to that reproach. It should bother us when others are eager to tear down fellow-believers. It's one thing to oppose a bad thought, action, or theological opinion of a fellow-believer (and let him know that we disapprove) and to still be for that person, but its another thing to write-off fellow believers because others are writing them off. We don't even want to take up a reproach against fellow-believers who do not share our theology. Certainly you can warn people about bad theology, but during times of terrible persecution, Christians of different doctrinal persuasions (but who have the same gospel and the same Savior) stand back to back and pray for one another. While we are different, we honor each other and love each other because we are all friends of God.

He has contempt for contemptible people (v. 4a)

But notice the striking contrast in the first phrase in verse 4 - "In whose eyes a vile person is despised." Friends of God despise the people whom God despises. This is not just despising the evil that they do, but despising the person who is committed to that evil. Does that surprise you? I believe that the phrase "a vile person" is describing an enemy of God who is doing everything in his or her power to destroy the church, overthrow good theology, and to promote ungodliness within society. There are plenty of examples in politics of people who spit on God's face. But there are also examples in the supposed church. This would include pastors who promote the LGBTQ cause, or cults who profess to be Christians but who are really enemies - enemies that the apostle Paul cursed. So it's not enough to love those whom God loves; we must also despise those whom God despises. Sorry, but that's what the text says. If you don't despise anyone, then you are lacking one of the friendship qualities that draws your heart closer to God. Of course, the last phrase of verse 3 and the first phrase of verse 4 must not be confused. While Arminians have bad theology, we don't despise them. We love them enough to warn them about their bad theology. But this first phrase in verse 4 is talking about true enemies of God. We should despise and pray imprecations against the president of North Korea. We should despise a Jeffrey Epstein or a Steve Christian, both of whom sexually abused women and children for profit. They are vile people. And if you truly despise them, you have something that connects your heart with God's heart.

He honors those who fear the Lord (v. 4b)

The next positive virtue listed is in verse 4b. "But he honors those who fear the LORD." I had a friend who never had a good word to say about one of my other friends. After a while I became alienated from this person. I couldn’t be friends with him. And I think you can see why. Well, God says that it is the same with Him. Think about it this way. Would you be able to be extremely close to a person who either hated or dishonored your wife? You could not. The follow up question is, “Can God be close to you if you dishonor people He is close to?” Even though we may differ doctrinally with some of the other churches in Omaha, and may need on occasion to bring correction and even reproof, we must always do it in a way that recognizes that God loves them. People can tell whether you disagree out of spite or whether you disagree out of love. Scripture says, "faithful are the wounds of a friend." It is legitimate on occasion for friends to rebuke, to wound each other. In fact, one old saying says that a true friend is one who stabs you in the front, not in the back. Now, that saying may go too far, but I think its point is that any wounds we deliver by way of rebuke must be wounds that are given in a way that still honors them and shows love to them. Faithful are the wounds of a friend (Proverbs 27:6). God says that any friend of His is a person who honors those who fear the Lord. What are the concrete ways that you have been honoring those who fear the Lord?

He keeps his promises even at great personal cost (v. 4c)

The next virtue listed is in verse 4c. "He who swears to his own hurt and does not change." God feels close to people who are promise keepers even at personal cost. When you make a promise to your child and don’t keep it, God feels somewhat alienated, because He feels bad for your children. Promise keeping is not just an issue that is horizontal. It also affects our relationship with God. How good are you at keeping your promises? If you want to develop a deep friendship with God, then work on your promise keeping. Beg God to help you to be a promise keeper because you want to be close friends with Him.

He doesn't exploit through usury (v. 5a - cf. Deut 23:19-20)

The next phrase says, "He who does not put out his money at usury." Now, you may be surprised at this one, so let's dig into it. The word for "usury" is literally "to bite" and refers to exploitation through interest that will hurt the person rather than being mutually beneficial. Interest on a business loan that mutually benefits both parties is allowed, but Deuteronomy 23:19-20 says,

Deut. 23:19 “You shall not charge interest [same word "to bite"] to your brother—interest on money or food or anything that is lent out at interest. 20 To a foreigner you may charge interest, but to your brother you shall not charge interest, that the LORD your God may bless you in all to which you set your hand in the land which you are entering to possess.

It is easy to act like the world when it comes to finances, but we should not put our fellow-brothers in bondage through interest loans on necessities of life. Instead, our hearts should go out to them generously. It would be a situation where a fellow believer asks for a loan, and you know he would be good for the loan, but it would be hurtful to his family. And you instead give him a gift, or give him a loan with no expectation that all of it will be paid right away - and for sure, no interest.

He isn't moved by bribes (v. 5c)

Verse 5 goes on to say, "nor does he take a bribe against the innocent." This would be another example of exploitation. And by the way, bribes don't have to be monetary. It can be agreeing to say something against someone or withhold something from someone in order to gain another person's favor. Doing something bad to gain someone's favor is every bit as much a bribe as taking money to do it.

Apply these things to yourself

I won’t say more about each phrase. I think they are obvious in application. But I want us to evaluate how much we abide in God’s tabernacle; how much do we consciously walk in His presence? In your bulletins I have included a chart taken from the PCA denomination's Mission to North America that helps you do just that.¹ Just take a minute right now to evaluate the depth of your friendship with God by circling the appropriate number in the chart. If it is less than what you would want, tell him so. Tell Him that you long to be His friend. Just take the time right now to evaluate where you are on the chart by circling the right number. And I'll wait.

Next, I want you to use the sermon notes sheet or some other paper to write down which of those seven categories you would like to see yourself at before the end of the year. Or you could just underline the number. And don’t be unrealistic. Friendship isn't usually developed overnight. If you are presently at level 7, levels 3 or 4 may be a realistic goal. If you are at 3, either 2 or 1 may be a realistic goal. But if you are determined to do whatever it takes to reach level 1, then write that down.

Now I want you to ask God to show you what is hindering your relationship with Him. It may not even be one of the eleven items that I outlined from Psalm 15, but if the Spirit is convicting you of it, write it down. Just as you need to find out why your wife or husband has been alienated or just doesn’t feel warm to you, you need to find out the same from God. It may be a simple matter that He wants you to spend more one-on-one time. It may be that you haven’t expressed appreciation to Him. It may be a sin. God values your friendship, and if you are serious about finding out, God’s Spirit will show you. He will bring it to your mind. So prayerfully write down what the Spirit brings to your mind. And later on today, if other things come to mind, make note of those. Don't let anything become a wedge that is driven between you and God on this issue of friendship.

Now that you have recorded those three things, I want you to make a commitment to God to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work. Usually we need accountability to keep our promises. So you might write down one person who you will share this with and to whom you can be accountable. And make sure that he or she has the time to hold you accountable. And it would be better if it was not one of the officers - though it could include us when we meet one-on-one with you. But I think it would be good if you asked a friend if they would hold you accountable. This is body life at work. It may be your spouse, your brother or sister or a close friend. But be serious enough about developing your relationship with God that you will be willing right now to commit to having a brother or sister in Christ hold you up. Write that name down. When you get home today, talk to the person whose name you wrote down. He might not be willing to be an accountability partner, and you might need to later find someone else. That’s OK. But once you have found someone, hold each other accountable to develop this most important of all relationships.

The promise of not being moved from God's place of intimacy (v. 5c)

And the Psalm ends by saying in effect that this is all worth it. It really is. David ends this Psalm by saying, "He who does these things shall never be moved." Wouldn’t that be great? To constantly feel close to God’s tabernacle? To maintain that level of friendship it takes the humiliation of constantly confessing our faults, and provoking one another to good works, being accountable. But it should be our goal to never be moved from the place of intimacy with God - 24-7. Eventually you should hope to get to level one.

Amos 3:3 says, "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?" The implied answer is "No." Well, can you walk with God if you have strong disagreements? The implied answer is, "No." We want to walk with God; we want to be His friends; to abide with Him continually; to dwell in His house all the days of our life, but let's take some actions to achieve that. God has shown Himself to be a friend to you. Are you willing to show yourself to be a friend to God? "James says, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." Let’s pray.

O Lord, we desire to be your closest friends. Like Enoch of old, we want to walk close to you. Right now we ask you to forgive us for those times when we have backed down and not been upright; forgive us for lacking the courage to be men and women who would stand by you when others turn. Right now, we commit ourselves to being men, women and children of integrity. We are drawing near to you in Jesus name. We repent of our sin of lukewarmness. Forgive us Lord. May we love you with all our heart, soul, strength and mind.

Help us to love those whom You love. Help us to stimulate one another to good works and to hold each other accountable. Help us to be Promise Keepers whom you would honor. We want to be your friends.

Lord, help us to hate the things that you hate and to love the things that you love. Help us to feel uncomfortable when we are in the presence of those who make you uncomfortable. Help us to despise the sin and to have the faith to see what people can be like in Christ Jesus. To love sinners in Jesus Christ. We need the power of Your Holy Spirit if we are to do any of this. And so we ask that You would pour out Your Spirit in our lives. We ask this in the precious name of Your Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

1. By the minute (every waking minute)
2. Hourly (frequently during the day)
3. Daily (sometimes during each day)
4. Weekly (perhaps associated with religious services)
5. Monthly (occasionally through the year
6. Yearly (on special occasions)
7. Seldom (at crisis times such as a death in the family, or a financial reversal) Taken from a Mission to North America email.